Hey guys, Tyrion here. My mom is on vacation so I am taking over for my big moment. After years of lounging on the keyboard, my mom is finally letting me write a blog post. (Of course I can type – I just choose not to. I have better things to do with my time)
Being a cat is hard. It looks easy, as if all I do is lounge around on my Hermes blanket and bask in the sun. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. The constant pacing, the surveillance. The daily grind of hunting for insects, howling at the television. And the birds! They taunt me. Flying past the window just at my line of vision. Singing their beautiful bird songs in the nest they built right outside my favorite window. I am tormented on a daily basis by those jerks.
My life is hard. And my mom. My mom just thinks she can just pick me up whenever she wants. I get it, she’s bigger than me. So I obey. Sometimes I just lay there limply, hoping she’ll give up and put me down. The guests in the house! (Why am I not consulted first!?) Constantly being used as a prop in photos. I AM NOT A PROP. She uses me like a baby! And I gotta tell you. I’m bored. I don’t know what my mom is doing on her computer all day but it’s annoying. I want to play.
But then everything changed. Literally, everything. Chewy reached out; offering to send me some new toys. I FEEL SEEN! Today I am going to review them for you. And if you’re not familiar, Chewy is a group of passionate pet lovers who care just as much about pets as their owners do. They’re dedicated to helping pets everywhere live their best lives by making shopping for us easy and stress-free. I obviously approve very much of this company.
The first thing I want to tell you about is this magical orb.
I can’t even explain to you how it works. My mom will press a button and then the trickery begins. A soothing blue light comes on. Within the orb, there are 5 holes and feathered creatures poke their heads out.
I cannot catch the feathered creatures. I’m infinitely frustrated. But also infinitely obsessed. Since this magic has come into my world, I can’t stop thinking about it. I dream about this toy. I need to know how it works but cannot crack it. Also, I know I look upset in the photo above but it’s only because it’s off. (Again, I’m being used as a prop, but I am fine with it here as at least I got some new toys). This toy is particularly great when my mom is ignoring me and I have no one to play with. It has an eight minute timer so I can play for a bit (8 minutes is generally all I need and then I want a nap).
The next big piece of news is that she upgraded my scratching post.
This one is pretty incredible. It’s got soft fluffy stuff at the base, and it’s TALL. Taller than even I can stretch!
I’m forbidden to use the couch and chairs to scratch (another gripe – ugh!) and as payback I destroyed my last scratching post. I mean, I had it for four years… but I did a really good job. I was so proud. I’ll destroy this one as well.
The toy I love most though, is the catnip banana.
WHAT IS IN THIS THING!? Every time I get close to it, I feel so frisky. My body tingles, and I NEED TO KICK IT. I like to take it between my two front paws for leverage and then use my back legs to kick it as hard as I possibly can. This thing is amazing. It is far and away my favorite, most prized possession. If my teeth were a bit stronger I would carry it around with me to ensure that my mom doesn’t put it somewhere I can’t find it.
I tried out three other toys: Here are my thoughts:
I love this. My mom has bought me a few of these. I excel at removing the feathered animal from the string. So we’re giving this another try. I’m pretty confident that I will be able to destroy it with a bit more tenacity.
I have to admit that I am a little (okay a lot) scared of mice. We had one once in our old Murray Hill apartment and my mom and I were both terrified. I fluffed my tail in the air and ran away, she screamed. She had the audacity to tell me I was supposed to kill it. AS IF I would ever get blood in my creamy fur. So when I got this, I was upset. Because it looks JUST LIKE my old nemesis. Upon further inspection, the toy version is much less scary. It’s actually rather delightful to play with. My mom presses something on its underside, sets him on the floor, and he goes wild, running in circles and sometimes even hiding under the couch. I am absolutely mesmerized by this mouse.
While not quite as exciting as the banana, I enjoy this toy as well. It’s small and pink so I can carry it. (You should know that pink is my favorite color. Yes I am a boy. I like pink. It is pretty and compliments my cream fur.) Besides, I consider myself a feminist and unicorns are an important mythical creature. (I wish I had a horn.)