Hey guys, Tyrion here. My mom is on vacation so I am taking over for my big moment. After years of lounging on the keyboard, my mom is finally letting me write a blog post. (Of course I can type – I just choose not to. I have better things to do with my time)
Being a cat is hard. It looks easy, as if all I do is lounge around on my Hermes blanket and bask in the sun. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS. The constant pacing, the surveillance. The daily grind of hunting for insects, howling at the television. And the birds! They taunt me. Flying past the window just at my line of vision. Singing their beautiful bird songs in the nest they built right outside my favorite window. I am tormented on a daily basis by those jerks.
My life is hard. And my mom. My mom just thinks she can just pick me up whenever she wants. I get it, she’s bigger than me. So I obey. Sometimes I just lay there limply, hoping she’ll give up and put me down. The guests in the house! (Why am I not consulted first!?) Constantly being used as a prop in photos. I AM NOT A PROP. She uses me like a baby! And I gotta tell you. I’m bored. I don’t know what my mom is doing on her computer all day but it’s annoying. I want to play.
But then everything changed. Literally, everything. Chewy reached out; offering to send me some new toys. I FEEL SEEN! Today I am going to review them for you. And if you’re not familiar, Chewy is a group of passionate pet lovers who care just as much about pets as their owners do. They’re dedicated to helping pets everywhere live their best lives by making shopping for us easy and stress-free. I obviously approve very much of this company.
The first thing I want to tell you about is this magical orb.
I can’t even explain to you how it works. My mom will press a button and then the trickery begins. A soothing blue light comes on. Within the orb, there are 5 holes and feathered creatures poke their heads out.
I cannot catch the feathered creatures. I’m infinitely frustrated. But also infinitely obsessed. Since this magic has come into my world, I can’t stop thinking about it. I dream about this toy. I need to know how it works but cannot crack it. Also, I know I look upset in the photo above but it’s only because it’s off. (Again, I’m being used as a prop, but I am fine with it here as at least I got some new toys). This toy is particularly great when my mom is ignoring me and I have no one to play with. It has an eight minute timer so I can play for a bit (8 minutes is generally all I need and then I want a nap).
The next big piece of news is that she upgraded my scratching post.
This one is pretty incredible. It’s got soft fluffy stuff at the base, and it’s TALL. Taller than even I can stretch!
I’m forbidden to use the couch and chairs to scratch (another gripe – ugh!) and as payback I destroyed my last scratching post. I mean, I had it for four years… but I did a really good job. I was so proud. I’ll destroy this one as well.
The toy I love most though, is the catnip banana.
WHAT IS IN THIS THING!? Every time I get close to it, I feel so frisky. My body tingles, and I NEED TO KICK IT. I like to take it between my two front paws for leverage and then use my back legs to kick it as hard as I possibly can. This thing is amazing. It is far and away my favorite, most prized possession. If my teeth were a bit stronger I would carry it around with me to ensure that my mom doesn’t put it somewhere I can’t find it.
I tried out three other toys: Here are my thoughts:
Feather Teaser Toy.
I love this. My mom has bought me a few of these. I excel at removing the feathered animal from the string. So we’re giving this another try. I’m pretty confident that I will be able to destroy it with a bit more tenacity.
I have to admit that I am a little (okay a lot) scared of mice. We had one once in our old Murray Hill apartment and my mom and I were both terrified. I fluffed my tail in the air and ran away, she screamed. She had the audacity to tell me I was supposed to kill it. AS IF I would ever get blood in my creamy fur. So when I got this, I was upset. Because it looks JUST LIKE my old nemesis. Upon further inspection, the toy version is much less scary. It’s actually rather delightful to play with. My mom presses something on its underside, sets him on the floor, and he goes wild, running in circles and sometimes even hiding under the couch. I am absolutely mesmerized by this mouse.
While not quite as exciting as the banana, I enjoy this toy as well. It’s small and pink so I can carry it. (You should know that pink is my favorite color. Yes I am a boy. I like pink. It is pretty and compliments my cream fur.) Besides, I consider myself a feminist and unicorns are an important mythical creature. (I wish I had a horn.)
Created in partnership with Chewy; Photography by Carter Fish.
Tyron, you’re adorable! You have a good life too. Seems like your Mum really loves you! ❤️
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
He’s a spoiled baby! Thanks Charmaine XOXO
OMG such a cutie!
x Lisa | lisaautumn.com
He’s the best!
Tyrion!! This was the best thing to wake up to this morning, you made my day! <3
So glad to hear that! XOXO – Tyrion
Oh my gosh. This post had me laughing out loud!!! Loved hearing Tyrion’s voice on the blog. I don’t have cats (allergic!) but I loved this post. Happy weekend!
So glad you enjoyed it!
Based on this post, you may like the book that I just started reading – The Travelling Cat Chronicles. 🙂
I have it! It’s in my to-read pile!
CATS! Our family loves Chewy. They have awesome customer service. Our cats go crazy for the Meowijuana catnip. I only wish that Chewy sold Tipsy Nip’s tickle pickle (hilarious name for a catnip toy).
oooh I will have to get that in my next order!!!
This is so funny! Hope your mom is enjoying her vacation Tyrion!
Thanks so much Norma! She’s having a great time!
Hahaha just commenting to let you know how much I enjoyed this post! I’m reading it on my phone at a conference, but if it was appropriate for me to laugh out loud, I would.
Aw I’m so glad to hear that!
I. Love. This. Post. SO here for high quality Tyrion content.
haha same. Glad he’s finally pulling his weight 😉
Hahahahaha please post a video kicking the banana!!!
I post it all the time to stories!!
What a proper tyrant. Tyrion, of course. Not you, Grace.
ha! Thanks Marisa!
Ok, this was so cute and made my morning! My cat needs that catnip banana. She would lose her mind!
briana | youngsophisticate.com
oh my goodness you MUST get it – it’s crazy how much they love it!
Dear Tyrion, it delights me to no end to finally see your debut post. Thank you for making my Friday, and for taking the time to play with and review each of these items. I will be sure to invest in them all for my kitty, Theodore. Theo sends his thanks, too, and wants you to know that he is a boy whose favorite color is also pink. I do hope your lovely mom will allow you to post more often. Sending you pets from Chicago. <3
haha! Tyrion says thank you!!!
OMG Tyrion I loved your post ! Chewy is the best. Had no idea Chewy had toys too! Might need to add that catnip banana to my auto ship box.
they really are the best! SUCH good customer service!!
I don’t have a cat but when I saw that it was Tyrion writing the post, I had to click on it. Glad he’s having fun with his new toys, that orb thing seems awesome.
he is very much enjoying them all!
Just have to tell you that my cat LOVES that banana toy and kicks it just like Tyrion. It drives her nuts! Also, I love Chewy too. I have my dog food auto-delivered and it is so convenient not to have to lug a huge bag of dog food home from the store every couple of months. I’m a fan. Now I have to get that cat orb!
it’s so fun watching them kick it!!!
Hey Tyrion, It’s Minnie Mouse, aka Minnie, Minnie Moo, Moo moo , Moomy moo and sometimes just Moo. Moms can be so mushy sometimes! Wow! I’m really impressed with your writing voice. Let’s face it, I’m impressed that you can write at all. Although our human moms have no idea what we get up to when they are gone. I’m really smart like you and get bored easily with toys, I always need new ones. Mom is so busy she doesn’t play with me as often I would like. Let’s face it , if i had my way would be the time. When will they realize they are here to serve us? I see the magical orb, scratching post and banana in my near furture. I have to go, the seagulls are calling…….. I feel your pain, the birds taunt me too! Wait, what’s that ? meow, meow ….
ha! tyrion says thanks minnie! xo
Love Tyrion’s 1st post… purrfecto! He’s a natural.
aw thanks allison! xoxo
This might be the best article on your blog! (Ok maybe just the funniest and most entertaining!)
haha! so happy you enjoyed it! xo
this is my favorite post of all time in all of the internet
haha! I’m so happy to hear that!
Tyrion you wrote an amazing review, so talented and so honest! Love you
love you, grammy! xoxo – tyrion
Our cats love that banana. We’ll have to get them an orb next. Thanks!
it is the BEST toy ever!!!
This was the best thing I’ve read in awhile. I’ve never commented before, but I had to let you know that your great writing sets you apart from many other bloggers. And Tyrion’s facial expressions only make it better!
so glad you enjoyed it!!! xoxo
Tyrion, you’re the best. I am going to share your info with my cats Biggie, Calvin and Ruby. And most importantly, the fact that you are not allowed, and apparently do not, destroy furniture. Perhaps I need to get them some of these toys….
you absolutely do! thanks bridget! xo – tyrion!
Best. Post. Ever. Tyrion, have her let you blog more! 🙂
hahahahahaha this will go to his head! 😉
Oh Tyrion! You certainly have a way with words! What a delightful and funny post. Tell your mom to let you write like this more often!
Thank you so much! XO – Tyrion!
Omg, loooove little Tyrion! So adorable!
He’s just the best!!!
Oh my god this is amazing. I live for these pics of Tyrion – and I’m not even a cat person! He is hilarious, this brought me so much joy at work 😀
Aw I’m so happy you loved the post!
Too funny! It’s nice to finally see you put cat ahead of yourself, Grace. I mean really, all those samplea that you get and how many are “cat fun”. LOL
MORE TYRION POSTS. (That is all!)
hahahahaah thank you! x