A month or so ago, my friend Victoria wrote a rather interesting post on “The Pursuit of The Not Boring”, as she called it. In case you missed it, you should pop over and read it… it’s a good one.
Her post hit a sensitive note for me. My worst fear is that as I have gotten older, I have not only become boring, but also a bit dumb. I have discussed this at length with a few of my friends. It makes me a bit sad that I once spent my days in Advanced Placement literature and history classes and now… I barely read the news, keep up on current events, or do activities that are remotely “cultural.” And for crying out loud, I live in New York City… the epicenter of culture in a way, with some of the most incredible restaurants, access to the best museums, and so many exciting + cool things to do every night. Adding to that, my grammar isn’t all that great and I had to look at a map a few times to remember where exactly Tulum was on a map of Mexico. My intelligence peaked in high school, so to speak. This depresses me.
In thinking about it a bit more, the problem is that once upon a time we spent 8 hours a day learning. And then another two or three at home, doing our homework… continuing and reinforcing everything learned in the classroom. Now, I spend ten hours a day at work, where I feel pretty great about myself if I manage to set aside time to read a few business-related articles. My nights are comprised of (usually work-related) dinners and/or cocktails, and then coming home to do more work — scheduling posts, responding to emails, finishing up anything I wasn’t able to get done at the office. It doesn’t ever end and it feels like I am becoming not only boring (all I do is work, so all I talk about is work) but also, a little bit dumber every day.
I think one of the keys in what I just wrote is the whole… “It doesn’t end.” It doesn’t. But in thinking about it more (especially while on vacation) I think that is probably always going to be the case. When you work for a start-up, or any job where your team is lean and there is a lot of work, it will never end. That’s just a fact of life. There is always going to be work to be done, ideas to be had… project plans to write. And when you have a blog, well, the same is true. My inbox will probably never be fully in check and I will always be a little bit behind.
But I realized over the course of last week’s trip that I need to be better about making it end. Doing a lot of the things I talked about here but also taking the time to live a little bit more, to find the time to let myself actually be inspired (frankly, I’ve been so tired + burnt out that I just feel uninspired and out of ideas.)
The first thing is that (like Victoria) I have signed up for French classes… one night a week for two hours. I’m really, really excited about this. One of my goals is to be able to travel to France and speak the language enough to be conversational. I don’t aspire to become fluent (though that would be really cool – we’ll see how far it goes.) Once French classes end in February, I am planning on taking a weekly (French… sorry, I’m obsessed) cooking class. So essentially, I will be setting one night a week aside to do something for me… something I can learn from. Not an overly aggressive goal, but one that I think will make a difference. I also need to stop doing the things that I just don’t really want to do. I’ve gotten a lot better at this over the past year, but I still find myself doing things I don’t really want to do.
Victoria and I had a really nice brunch yesterday (we didn’t talk about work at all, I should note) and she said something that really stuck with me… “If you feel resentful about doing something, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.” Plain and simple. I often find myself leaving the office and “needing” to stop by this press preview or that blogger event. After a long day I’m usually tired and just totally sapped for energy… but I still find myself scurrying out to go to this thing and that thing and feeling downright resentful about it. But why? Truthfully, I think there is a bit of fear of missing out (Instagram is dangerous as it always makes these events feel so much more fun than they actually are…) and also a part of me feels guilty not going. There is this little voice inside me telling me that I should feel lucky to be invited to this stuff and that if I don’t go, I’m missing out on some great opportunity.
Blah. The next time I feel like I am going to something because I have to (not because I want to), I’m just going to politely decline. It’s that simple. Besides the French classes, I also plan on getting back into yoga, working my way through the Platt 101, going to more museums + galleries and learning a bit more about art. In clearing my schedule from the things I don’t want to do, I’m making room for the things that I am actually passionate about.
What do you think? Do you ever feel boring? Dumb? Out of touch with current events? I think the first step is realizing it… and the next step is doing something about it.
Cheers to leading a selective but interesting life. 😉
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Oh, Grace – I feel we are at such a similar stage of life! Everything you write about lately I can relate to so much! At a near relationship-ending point this summer I realized how boring I had become, but opposite of you, I was a boring homebody. Funny you mentioned yoga, that’s what I turned to immediately to get me out of the house & to put something just for me back in my life.I am confident that you are FAR from boring, m’dear, but it’s always good to re-evaluate and to add things into our lives that make us feel better/more accomplished. Good for you! xo.
I know your blog is about shiny/girly/glittery things and I love it BUT i’ve really identified with itfor the last month or so. I mean, we are as different as can be but the whole finding-yourself, taking-time-to breath etc has really struck with me. I’m 29 and although I’m still a student, I feel so dumb and boring sometimes and it’s my own fault. Recently I’ve been trying to make my life more than just my career, trying to regain my hobbies, learn new things (yoga) and overall just be happy. This post just fueled me to keep going. I really hope you can find the time to learn, breathe and enjoy your life, which sounds fabulous, believe that. Keep going Grace.
Lifelong learning should be everyone’s goal, but unfortunately we let “life” get in the way and don’t make it a priority. I am lucky enough to have been a lifelong reader, and as long as I make time for that each day I can feel a bit better about the rest of my schedule being off kilter sometimes. As I was reading your post I was afraid you were going to say you were going to stop blogging – PLEASE DON”T! I live in a small town in Wisconsin and love your take on NYC. Thanks for your view of what looks like an amazing city, and a peek into your neat life.
Grace, I loved reading this post as I have been feeling maxed out as of lately. I think in life we put so much pressure on ourselves to do all these things we feel we have to/need to do when in reality they do not contribute to our happiness or help us accomplish anything we hope to. As a whole, I have decided to take a step back and evaluate my everyday to see what I can improve on and other things that I can remove. It is wonderful you are setting up a time each week to do something important to you, and that makes you happy. I have been thinking about the same concept. Good luck on your new french adventure!
All the Best,
Sloan
http://sloansymington.blogspot.com/
“a selective but interesting life”- love that line! I wholeheartedly agree! The only thing I would add is that this sort of decision also comes with age. Most of us have gone through a period that sucked us dry (going out to every thing we were invited to, and on top planning our own events!) but it takes time and those experiences to shape our individual likes and dislikes so we can get to a point at which we know what we’d rather be doing.
Best of luck with all of the French classes 😉
Though I have a few years on you, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Instagram can illicit feelings of missing out on things but at the same you it lets you realize what you haven’t been doing for yourself. I don’t watch the news as much as I should (more bad news than good) or read intellectual books. My job is cerebral enough that I want to read something that I don’t need to wrap my mind around. Like you I’ve started to take steps to rectify what is lacking in life in terms of activities for personal enrichment. I can’t wait to hear the outcome of your French language and cooking classes.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this… sometimes you think you’re alone in those feelings, and you’re not. My problem lately has been finding friends that fit in with the things I like to do. My friends, that I LOVE and wouldn’t be me without, we just reached that point where our differences are very real. And I work with family… there aren’t many outsiders there 🙂 I’ve never been a bar-hopping, shot-taking kind of girl, and sitting all day at the bar watching football games doesn’t thrill me. It makes me feel like I’ve wasted a day, even if I spent it with GOOD people/GOOD friends. I think it’s so great to branch out and tap into your own little voices that want to do something. Hot yoga was mine, and I’ve not been in so long. It was something I did for me, alone, and just went for it. It became my “no, sorry, I have yoga then, but maybe another time” – in a good way. V is so right – don’t do things you feel like just sucked your hours away. It’s amazing advice. Travel, lessons, even a set brunch with a friend like Victoria is exactly the way to go… when you start inspiring each other, the world becomes new again. It’s been an ongoing battle to MAKE the time/money for an NYC trip to meet you, and a few other people that I’ve become a little bit part of my life. But maybe the excuses should be becoming less. Excited to see where this takes you. Remember… “the limit does not exist.” <3
Another post that resinates with me! I’ve been telling fellow foodie bloggers lately that I’m having to say “no” pretty often now to events that I don’t really WANT to attend. Unless it’s an opening I’ve been looking forward to trying or a tasting with a PR gal that I want to catch up with, I am turning down invitations to more and more events. It’s more important to me now to get to the gym or just have a night in at home than to rush around to events every night.
I used to feel guilty – or thought I’d be “missing out” on something – but I’ve come to finally realize that I need to do more things for me too.
xx
Sarah
Really great post, Grace. It’s totally true-when I feel resentful about doing something, I always wind up regretting it and not enjoying it-a good sign I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. It can be hard to say no to things, but it’s all about priorities. I think it’s great that you signed up for some classes-I’ve always thought about doing a cooking class but I’ve never gotten around to it. Reading this is a good nudge in that direction! It’s so hard to find the time in the day for everything, especially reading newspapers and staying up to date on current events-I can definitely relate to that. Anyway if you want to do something interesting, The Frick has Girl with a Pearl Earring on display through January (which also was a great book, if you haven’t read it). It would be cool to check that out, as it hasn’t left the Netherlands in thirty years, but is now here for a short time.
Loved reading this! And you know, even when we’re in touch with ourselves and fully aware of what makes us happy, yes, things like IG still can make it really hard. In fact, late last night, I fell into one of those classic Instagram comparison shame spirals. I literally had to stop myself and be like, “Why are you doing this to yourself? Think about what you were doing on the days and nights these photos were taken. Were you happy? Fulfilled? Having fun? Doing things that made you feel good?” When the answer was “Yes!”, I realized I was being ridiculous. One major downside about blogging is it sets us up to feel as if we’re not enough, when really, we always are.
In other news, I should have mentioned this yesterday, but after your French cooking class, you can come over to my place for advanced lessons! 🙂 Taught only in French, mais oui!
Yes… on both the instagram shame spiral (I am hopeless) and French Cooking 2.0. I cannot wait.
Grace, you have been reading my mind with your posts these past several weeks, this one especially. I went in for a grad school informational interview the other day, and I realized as I got a sneak peek at assignments and reading material, how much I missed the studying and the learning something new, all the time. I’m also learning to stop doing things just because I feel obligated to. I have the choice to accept or decline, so long as I do it graciously.
Even though we are in different phases of life right now, I can SO relate. I literally have no idea what is going on in the world most of the time because I spend 90% of my time & energy with my son and then my “me” time is working on my blog. I literally ask my husband when he is reading the paper if there is anything going on in the world that I need to know about. I stopped watching the news because it just depresses me. It is quite sad really. And I know what you mean about feeling like you’re missing out by checking your Instagram feed. I pass on a lot of events because I can’t just drive up to LA in the middle of the week to attend a blogger event. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Luckily now that I’ve been blogging for a few years, I am ok with missing most of it. Like you said…the pics can be deceiving! =) This post is just the reminder I needed to actually sign up for that photography class I’ve been wanting to take! So thank you!
XOXO, Jenn
The Stylish Housewife
I’ve been feeling the same way lately- I have no “life” outside of work and mom-ing. If I met someone new and they asked what I like to do, or who I am, I would be hard pressed to have anything interesting to say. “I like to go to meetings, and change diapers” isn’t exactly titillating! I realized that it’s been almost 3 years since I read a book that wasn’t for work. So I checked a few books out of the library, and I have one in my bedroom, one in the car, and one in my desk at work. My goal is to find 15 minutes or so each day to read from one (hopefully all) of them.
And the rushing thing. Man, I do that too. Even for things that don’t need to be rushed, like a side project that I’m working on *for myself*. It’s like the older you get, the less time you have for anything other than work. And that’s not how it’s supposed to be. Kudos to you for taking a stand! And you mus update about learning French. I’ve always wanted to learn as well!
I definitely feel like this sometimes, too. But for me, blogging is a way to continue learning (whether it’s about HTML, writing, or even researching something for a post). And it sounds nerdy, but on my lunch break at work I try to read some news article and blogs in my business to continue “learning”
“My intelligence peaked in high school.”
I repeat this sentence to myself so often it hurts. I know this feeling. I have been really pushing myself to try and find ways to learn more, but primarily to RETAIN more. Know you’re not alone in your quest for brilliance. I’ve considered created an online non-fiction book club… as a safe way to ask questions, have conversations and get smart. And… I’ve considered quitting cable cold turkey… maybe?! Good luck. I’m working on my brain right along with you.
It’s a little bit scary, right? We’ll do it together. You are so right about retaining. I often feel like everything just goes in one ear and out the other. Sad. I actually quit cable when I moved to my new apartment (but it was more of an expenses thing as I live by myself.) I just didn’t see the point in spending $100 or whatever it is a month – I’d rather use the money to try a new restaurant or buy myself something pretty. Good luck to you, as well!
Grace! I loved this post but I have to tell you it’s ironic to me because I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago and it has totally inspired me after feeling uninspired for some time. I find all your posts FAR from boring and in just a few weeks have made changes to my closet, my apartment and my social life since I started reading. (I have some years on you too, so way to go inspiring an old lady!). I say go for it, get out there and learn new things but always know that what you’re doing makes a difference and never doubt yourself!
Aw, Claire.. reading this really made my night. I am so, so happy to hear that you find my blog to be an inspiring place. That has always been my goal, alas what is projected on the blog + what real life feels like isn’t always the same thing… you know? Thank you so much for dropping by to leave such a thoughtful, kind comment… 🙂
I so love and appreciate your transparency in this post. I often wonder how all you NYC ladies do it – because I know how burnt out I am after a full day of work/meetings etc. and have to get home and blog – nevermind scurry off to every event/preview going! Take time for yourself is so important, and you are totally on the right track Grace! Keep it up, I’m rooting for you 🙂 Your apartment is too cute to not spend time in, too 😉 xoxo
I read this and just kept nodding my head. Your brutal honesty is so refreshing. I love how you are signing up for classes, I have been thinking about doing something similar. My girlfriend is taking a calligraphy class, I had never thought about it, but how great would that be to learn?! This was a very inspiring post !!
Xx
I just happened to reach your blog…. through links and when I read “My worst fear is that as I have gotten older”, I felt the same. We live in two different worlds… yet your thoughts are so much of an inspiration to me. Thanks a lot for the insight.
Have a great life 🙂
Wow. I have been struggling with what I should be doing or not doing lately, and this quote from your friend was eye-opening.
*If you feel resentful about doing something, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.*
I needed a little inspiration this morning, and this read was very nice.
Thank you. 🙂
Definitely all of the above! You aren’t alone. It drives me crazy when I can’t remember how to spell something or where to put a comma. After years of sitting at the dining room table with my English teacher mother, these are things that shouldn’t be forgotten! A past coworker and I would have this discussion at least once a week over lunch. We felt like we were constantly getting dumber. Part of this was the lapse in short term memory. We both went from being the kind of person that never forgets a name, where you parked the car – very detail oriented to having the worst short-term memories in existence. We both decided every day we are required to remember all kinds of things and a lot of those are very unimportant things that we need for a few minutes of our day. It must be these unimportant things are taking the place of those very important things, which isn’t good. And this was our basis for feeling stupid a lot of the time – more time was spent on the unimportant than the very important.
As for boring, I never worry about that. One person’s boring is another person’s excitement! I think as long as you are true to yourself and you do the things that really motivate and inspire you, there isn’t any way you could possibly be boring!
Grace, I love this post-it sums up so many things that I feel all the time. I’ve been slowly getting a bit better; I make a point to read the news on my phone on the way in to work in the mornings (I have a commute from Astoria to Chelsea so I get a decent amount of time) and I read a book on the way out in the evenings. I just read an interesting lecture from Neil Gaiman the other day about how we’re crushing our creative and imaginative potential by not reading just for fun! I’m trying to get out more, too…especially to museums and galleries and new neighborhoods and historical places. I feel like when I do get out, it’s to a bar or restaurant-and sure, food and drinks are fun, but they’re not making me smarter and they’re certainly not helping my finances (and they seem to make me more exhausted, too!). I feel like I could turn this comment into my own post on this topic, so I won’t, suffice to say you’re not alone.
PS-jealous of the French classes!! I minored in it in college but have been out of touch for ages-I need to look up the place you & Victoria are going to!
Grace! I love this post! Where are you taking your French classes? I also love in the city and have been thinking about taking classes forever (I lived in France for an entire year without ever taking formal classes and lost everything I picked up) and you inspired me to get started!
Thank you, Grace! I have been feeling much the same for the past few months. I am the director of a visual arts non-profit, and I have the same feelings of my work never being quite finished. Last spring, I started taking a pottery class one night a week, as a way to a) learn something new and b) shut down my ‘work brain’ for a few hours. Keep setting aside time for yourself! It motivates you to work harder for your free time 🙂
When I saw that you had gone on a relaxing vacation, I was so glad for you! Even through the Instagram/blog lens, I could tell that you were running on overdrive and due for a refresh. That’s something that literally everyone can relate to, this entire post resonates, and the fact that you had the wherewithal to take a step back and say “I need this” is awesome. There’s a three-part (bibilical) quote that I try to remember every day: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?” Food for thought…and maybe a blog post of my own! Thanks for sharing what you’ve learned about life! xo
I never read the news either but I’ve been subscribing to theSkimm and it helps a little bit 😛 I took french through high school and college but I’d love to pick it up again, where are you taking classes Grace? Good luck with everything! It sounds like you’re far from boring to me 🙂