How many best friends do you have?
When I think about it, really think about it, I have seven. Maybe eight or nine, actually. And that doesn’t even count my sisters. Is that too many? LOL. Becca said something in an early episode of our podcast that really resonated with me: “best friend is a tier, not a person.” If I had to “rank” those friendships, it would be impossible as they are my closest friends and a part of my inner circle for various reasons. I’m probably closest to Alex (my friend who lives upstairs) and Becca (who you know from the podcast) but I also see them each multiple times a week. Aside from them there are guy friends and my best friend who has two kids and lives on the Upper East Side and friends in other cities.
When I get married I probably won’t have a big wedding or a wedding party (I’m just not really a wedding person, and at this age the idea of a large wedding party seems so silly). But for some reason the other night I was picturing it – what it would look like if I did have all eight of them + my sisters standing up there. It would be one ridiculous and amazing crew.
La Vie Rebecca Taylor Coat (gifted – thanks, RT!) // Saint James Tee // Paige Jeans // Gucci Belt // Soludos Boots (THE BEST and on sale! get them here too!) // Polaroid Sunglasses // Lipstick: Charlotte Tilbury in “Bitch Perfect”
There are so many different types of friendships that are each so important and feed different parts of our soul. I’m not really into talking about feelings and I’m someone who takes pride in being independent. But there is no denying it, I need my friends.
There’s the friend you’ve known forever and knows about and will laugh with you about all the horrible decisions you made in your twenties. There is the friend who will sit with you and hold your hand and cry with you when something bad happens. Also, there’s the friend that will (potentially seriously?) offer to murder or lightly harm the guy who wronged you or the boss who fired you. There’s the friend who sends you stupid memes when you need cheering up. Or the friend who brings you soup when you’re sick. There’s the crew you screenshot your dating conversations to. There’s the friend who just gets you, the kindred spirit with whom you can have long, deep conversations with. These aren’t all necessarily the same person. Which is why I love Becca’s quote so much. For me, best friend isn’t a person, it’s a tier.
What do you think? Do you agree?
photography by Carter Fish.
I don’t think I could ever choose one best friend! That said, I don’t have a lot of friends myself. But the ones I have, I love. Quality over quantity! 🙂
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
Yes, quality over quantity! Thanks Charmaine – have a great weekend!
It’sa quote from the Mindy Project/she says to Danny that “a best friend isn’t a person, it’s a tier.” Totally agree!
AHHH thank you, I didn’t realize! I only watched the first season. Love Mindy.
What a great quote! Totally the same for me too, having a lot of (mostly separate) best friends who know my inner ways and treat them kindly but differently due to their own personalities. Just a bunch of personal psychologists and entertainers for me really 🙂
Hahahaha love that.
This is interesting to think about! I have one BEST friend. She’s in a class of her own and has been since we met in the 8th grade. She’s the only friend who my toddlers call “Auntie K” because she’s essentially part of our family. But the next tier down would be filled with 6-7 awesome friends – those who I feel like I can talk to about the good, the bad, the ugly, the embarrassing! It would be hard to separate that crew, and I would classify them as my very close friends. Friendships, regardless of how you classify them, should be cherished!
I love that! Thanks Jordan!
I love the way Becca articulated that and I totally agree. I have my sister, The Husband, my local Austin bestie, a small group of my college sorority sisters who I don’t see more often than every couple years, but our group chats give me life and keep me going on a daily basis, and the few women I grew up with who’ve known me inside and out since we were literally toddlers and with whom I pick up wherever we’ve left off no matter if it’s been one month or five years. They all fill a very special place in my heart, and I see no need to prioritize one over another, hence the *tier* concept is perfect.
Group chats really just are the best!
Loved your discussion on finding new friends on the podcast this week.
And also I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Sending you lots of healing ❤️
Thank you so much Shibani, really appreciate it. Have a great weekend.
Love these Friday essays!
I’m so glad!
To be honest I only have one best friend. In my teens, I had two but now I only have one. We’ve known each other since I was 4 and she was 5 and now I’m 22 and she’s 23 so I don’t think we’re going our separate ways anytime soon and I honestly love our friendship.
About your outfit, I love the combination of the pattern on the coat and the stripes of the top, I think they go well together.
I love that you’ve stayed friends that long – amazing!!!
Such a great quote, and so true! I probably have about seven or eight “best friends” as well, and each sort of fills a different space for me. There’s ones I talk to more, but then ones who have known me longer and get parts of my life that the others don’t. They are all so special!! Friends are the best. And speaking of, I LOVED you and Becca on the most recent podcast answering the question about prioritizing your girlfriends—friendships are so important, and I think everyone should have that attitude about their friends!!
x diana // pearl girl
And right? That question made me a little sad because I think prioritizing your friendships is SO important.
Totally agree with all of this. It really is amazing how your perspective on friendships changes over time. Have a great Friday ahead, lady!
Thank you so much Jenn! Happy weekend!
I always think of a best friend as The everything friend. There’s my bestie Chris we are that to each other. I was super close friends with both my sisters ( this is actually sadly not that common Grace, we are lucky)but, when my older sister passed Tina and I abecame closer than ever. We are best friends now. I also have a group of very close friends I see as often as I can. One of my oldest friends, Judy and I are very close, we just don’t see each other as often, but we can and do talk about everything. It’s definitely quality over quantity. Friends are the best!
I completely agree – we are so lucky to have those close friendships with sisters!
Thanks for chiming in Cy – hope you have a great weekend!
Love this post so much, Grace! I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately and the guilt that can come with proclaiming one person a “best friend” but not wanting to offend another person who you also feel like is a best friend. There’s room for all and the more the merrier, all for different reasons. Hope you had a fabulous Valentine’s Day!
OMG I know! I do this all the time where I say “oh my best friend this,” while talking to one best friend and worry about offending the person. It’s so silly!!!
I had the best Valentine’s Day (and got to see two of my best friends, ha ha). I hope you did, too!
I absolutely agree with this! I also have about 8-9 best friends, and each one of those friendships is unique + special. I definitely couldn’t rank them either! Loved this essay 🙂
The best. Miss you friend!!! So excited for you and all your new adventures.
Can’t think of anything I’ve read lately that I so closely relate to! Currently, I’m in Thailand with my “best friend” (husband), while my “best friend” is at home in RI with her fiancé who I might also consider a “best friend.” Another “best friend” is in London visiting her boyfriend and the last is sailing in the Caribbean. They’re all my bests. Thanks Grace!
Aw I’m so glad!!! Have so much fun in Thailand!
Hmmm, I’m thinking more about a tree. A tier might signify a hierarchy where as a tree shows all the branches growing from you (the stump, the root, the main core). If a best friend were a tree it could show that best friend from three way out there on the tips of the branches. Or alternatively the three year old friendship could be closer and the new leaves and new branches symbolize the friendships that we have today.
I’m soooo excited! A friend of almost 20 years will be visiting me this Friday! We met in Venezuela back in 1999. Since then she’s lived in Shanghai, Dubai, and now Chennai. I’ve lived in Mumbai, Beijing, and now Hong Kong. It’s been at least 7 years since we’ve seen one another. I can’t wait. She is definitely on my TREE!
Love, Ann from Kremb de la Kremb
I love that comparison! Thanks Ann, and have so much fun!