Adding Adventure…

adventure

I got sad again this week.  Truthfully it was because I was reading this article about living with your significant other before marriage, and it said something to the effect that, if it doesn’t work out, it will feel just like a divorce but that no one will treat it as seriously, because duh, you were not actually married.  Ain’t that the truth.  It was one of those know-it-all-ish, condescending articles and it hurt to read it.  I really don’t know why I kept reading all the way through (dumb) but I couldn’t stop reading.  It stuck with me all week and just left me feeling down and out.  Which really is just what happens when I think about the past year or so, to be honest.

But then I saw another quote somewhere (I spend far too much time on the Internet, reading these articles, blog posts, seeing quotes on Pinterest… it’s dangerous.)  It was much more articulate than the way I’m going to put it but it basically said something to the effect that the formula for happiness is that you must always, always keep your eye on the future vs. looking back.  Whatever it said, it was true.  The bad days are the ones where I look back.  The good days are the ones where I’m excitedly looking ahead to something new. Right now, besides this trip, there is nothing hugely exciting on the horizon… but I am looking forward to starting yoga classes when I get home next week, and taking French classes later in November.  And a fun dinner with two of my favorite girlfriends next Saturday when I get home.  Little, but fun things.  There always have to be these fun things that I can look ahead to, to keep me from looking back.

So on Friday, I made a little pact with myself, and it really starts this week, on vacation.  Besides focusing on the future vs. the past, that pact is to just add a little bit of adventure to every day, to step outside of my comfort zone.  To do one “adventurous” thing every day.  It could be the tiniest thing… like trying a colored eyeliner or a crazy new shade of lipstick… or a bigger thing, like going zip lining in the rainforest (something I’m heartily considering doing this week – despite being insanely afraid of heights.)  Just doing little things that give you that rush to keep moving forward and looking ahead.  It’s easier said than done but life is too short to live in the past.  We must always be looking ahead and focusing upon that next great moment.

What do you do to stay positive?

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Comments

  1. nailee chic says 10.20.13

    Being adventurer is always a good choice

    xx
    nAilee
    My moleskine by nailee
    Sorteando aquí la nueva colección de esmaltes de Essie

  2. Whitney says 10.20.13

    What an adorable colored print (and great quote)! I think I need to add that to my collection, stat!

    http://winkthinks.com/2013/09/wall-art-with-wisdom/

  3. Kate B. says 10.20.13

    What a good post! I also fall into the dangerous trap of reading a pompous article every once in a while, and it can really bring you down if it feels close to home. I find myself sad and frustrated with my career these past few years, and it can really help me to speak to wiser, older friends who have a different perspective on life, and what’s really important. After all, they already did this 25 years ago. One of these friends gave me the mantra “this is what you DO; this is not who you ARE.” Not the same situation, I know. But the idea of seeking advice from someone older and removed from the situation inevitably gives me hope and energy. Have a blast on your solo trip! I’m jealous! 🙂

  4. Jackie {York Avenue} says 10.20.13

    What you said resonates with me so much-that the bad days are the days you look back, and the good days are the ones where you’re looking ahead to something. I couldn’t agree with you more, about stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something adventurous. I actually went on Friday to this sort of insane performance art/interactive play on West 27th (called Sleep No More), and it’s kind of a creepy thing where you walk through this abandoned hotel alone and a play is going on around you…anyway, to make a long story short, I was utterly terrified of it and thinking “why am I doing this,” at the beginning-and it turned out to be probably the coolest, most interesting/unique thing I’ve ever done. I was SO happy afterwards, first for having seen something so amazing, and second for doing something that I was scared to do. It felt really good to do something different and step outside my comfort zone-something I rarely do. Now I see the value in it. Anyway thanks for the great post, I’m sorry that article brought you down but I hope your vacation brings you right back up!

  5. I think I may have read that same article and it scared the bejeesus out of of because, you know… what if it doesn’t work out? The marriage label doesn’t/shouldn’t determine the significance of the relationship. That said, you’ve got a great mindset now, and it sounds like fun and adventurous things are on your horizon! (and have a wonderful vacation!)

  6. sarahmshaker says 10.20.13

    Another great post that resonated with me. Thanks for this, Grace!

    My toughest days are the ones when I look back on the good times with my ex. What we had and wondering why it went wrong. Torturing myself, when really, this is the best thing for me. To let go of someone you love is never easy – even when I know he wasn’t right for me and couldn’t give me what I needed and deserved. Looking into the future – the small things and the big, exciting vacations – are also what gets me through. Helps me to move on and move forward.

    To stay positive I plan dates with my girlfriends (from yoga dates to mani/pedi dates), read for pleasure (from novels to magazines) and lately have been focusing on my health (from cooking more at home, even though I attend a lot of press dinners in the evenings, to trying new fitness classes).

    Enjoy your trip and your me-time! Keep looking forward at your bright future xx

  7. Lilly says 10.20.13

    Chin up buttercup…I promise you’ll feel better soon. I love that you’re looking forward and being positive but don’t beat yourself up if you feel bad, you’re allowed to mourn/grieve…this too will build your character and getting it out of your system will help to have healthy relationships in the future. xo

  8. Rachelle says 10.20.13

    I went through a really bad breakup the kind that leaves you broken, but it was really the best thing that ever happened to me “at least I think so now back then it was really bad”. That’s when I really started to focus on my future and doing things that make me happy. I started blogging, focusing on my jewelry business, working out and really the past 2 years have been the most satisfying of my life. At first it was hard a lot of depressing days but eventually I made peace with the past and never looked back, most of all Grace you have to learn to give it time you cannot rush the grieving process. But I can promise that it will get better. Enjoy your vacay girl!

  9. Saša Rakovec says 10.20.13

    Very good post! I agree with everything you said, even if you don’t have anything interesting on horrizon right now, the most exciting things usually happen so unexcpected!
    http://www.whatsashawears.com

  10. Aly says 10.20.13

    This past year I moved to a new city for a shiny post graduate school career. I knew no one and the loneliness crept in. For me, the key to getting through the year was creating routine (for me lots of exercise) and having things (little and grand) to look forward to and prep/plan for!

  11. Cy says 10.20.13

    It does take time. I agree you can’t rush the process. It is always a series of mountains and valleys. It is like a divorce. Remember to be kind and compassionate with yourself. You look beautiful, you are surrounding yourself with loving support. Also, the past reminds us of choices we will not make again( we are smarter now), the future gives us hope, but now, today is all we have for sure. Live in th now. We’re cheering you on, Grace!

  12. Cathleen says 10.20.13

    Christ is who pulls me through the tough times. I do not believe in good days or bad days, just days. They are a part of life. I feel down, lonely, good, happy, but I always know God is with me. I hope you know Him too. Knowing Christ is always with me helps me stay positive. I think it’s a good idea to do fun things and enjoy life. I hope you have a great vacation! Enjoy the moments you are in.

  13. Lauren Martin says 10.20.13

    Thank you for writing this! I often feel the same “insignificance” due to the labeling/stigma’s of the married/not married thing. I treat all my relationships the same so whenever there is a “breakup” it is significant and important event. It’s hard not to take it personally how other people respond to your situation/lifestyle choices. It still hurts. Whenever I get down or sad about something I always look to art for inspiration. I love to draw and create things, its the only way I can calm my mind. Love how you are looking to be adventurous as I am trying to do the same and have stopped caring what other people think or say about me. Which is why I love blogging, you can just be you. 😀 Thank you for sharing!! Xx Stay positive!
    Lauren M
    of MakeitADouble

  14. The Yuppie Files says 10.20.13

    I agree with you on looking ahead & finding the little things to look forward to. My tendency is to dwell on things or hide away when I’m going through a rough patch. Being able to push forward & find things to uplift you is the only way I can get myself out of a funk. Or taking care of yourself whether its drinks with friends or curling up in bed with a good book.

  15. Meghan says 10.20.13

    i absolutely love this, g and aint it the truth! stay strong and if you ever need an adventure buddy, you know who to call 🙂

  16. Jillian says 10.20.13

    I really loved reading this post, Grace! Well written and really special.

  17. Stacy says 10.21.13

    Thank you for this post. I saw my ex-boyfriend’s kids at the Race for the Cure this morning, and they totally pretended not to see me. I spent the last two years completely immersed in their lives, and for them to ignore me really hurt and brought all the feelings rushing back all at once. What helps me through the difficult days is reminding myself that I’m not alone, that I have an amazing support system, and that I am strong enough to handle anything. From what I know about you from reading your blog, I believe you are, too.

    Ziplining is awesome! I hope you go for it!

  18. Jordan - Queen of LA says 10.21.13

    Grace. Did I ever tell you that before I went to college, I was the MOST homesick human being ever to walk the earth? I truly did not know if I was going to be able to make it through four years. I was terrified to even try.

    The ONLY way I was able to do it – to even get off the plane the week before freshman year started – was to plan small, fun things that I could look forward to. It started with me planning my trips back home to visit my family, so I could literally tell myself every time I started to cry “You only have 2 more weeks, you can do it.” And then it turned into making plans with new friends to see a cool movie over the weekend. And then turned into looking forward to Friday night dinners at my sorority. Little things. Nothing big. Just things that got me through the hard times, one step at a time.

    You can do it. Your attitude is amazing. We’re all rooting for you.

  19. nuovanicolatta says 10.21.13

    Thank you for sharing.
    We don’t know what will happen the next second, something positive o negative, what we can do is to accept everything and get prepared for every day, physically and metally.
    http://www.chicabiti.com/

  20. ses1384Sarah S says 10.22.13

    Thank you for sharing this! I am also guilty of always looking back and not looking forward enough. Of course we’ll be sad if we only focus on our past failures. Relationships end for a reason, old jobs fall away and new ones appear, friends find you at the right times…it’s all about trust and optimism. 🙂 Happy Tuesday!

  21. Sam says 10.23.13

    I’m going through the same thing. It’s best not to look back. But it so hard to resist. I find that I’m trying to incorporate more fun into mylife as well and focusing on gratitude always helps. Optimism and positivity is a real choice we have to make, for me its daily. Especially on the days when I don’t feel like it and just want to wallow in the past. We can choose to be happy 🙂

  22. vmacandcheese says 10.25.13

    Beyond focusing on good or bad, I also think it’s really important to just focus on the journey and how you’re changing. It’s okay to look back if it helps you reflect and heal — and actually, even if it doesn’t, and causes pain, I think it’s just all part of your healing process. I think the main important thing is to be in touch with how you’re feeling, and forgive yourself for it and be okay with it — whether it’s a good day OR a bad day. Feeling better can take time! 🙂