Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is what sort of life I aspire to lead. The ideal and “perfect” life, if everything were exactly up to me. It came to me over tea with my lovely friend Emma last week. We were at my apartment, having a healthy snack and drinking ginger tea. I realized how relaxed I felt, and thought about how nice that was.
When I close my eyes and picture that ideal state, when a friend asks me how things are, my first answer is not: “Hectic.” I would be able to be out with friends and not feel anxious. I would be present in the moment vs. preoccupied and busy. Busy. If I had a choice, I’d actually really like to eliminate that word from my vocabulary. There is always an event. There are always parties, obligations. There are late nights in the office and later nights spent at my desk at home. On top of that I find myself consulting on different projects that I really have no business taking on. I like helping people and have a hard time saying no. I feel guilty just staying in and having a nice night at home or with close girlfriends when I could be doing, doing, doing. And I’m really bad at making time for myself. There is always work to do, posts to write, and dinners and parties and events. All of just leaves me feeling a little bit exhausted, and not at all calm. It wears me down and sometimes I feel like a dumber version of myself because I’m just doing too many things.
In thinking about this ideal state, I realized that the thing I want most is to live a happy and calm life. Getting there is going to take some changes. I am being ruthless with my possessions… selling clothes and throwing away anything that I don’t use or wear frequently. Clutter makes me stressed. As I decorate my new apartment, I have been very mindful of what I bring into the space. I need new things, but I want my home to be a peaceful sanctuary, away from the craziness that comes from living in Manhattan. I want everything inside of it to be either beautiful or functional (ideally both.) Probably most importantly is my schedule. My goal is to only make plans two, (max three) nights out of the week, and to be home and relaxed the rest of the time. I want to start doing yoga again and give meditation a try. And to read more books and take more baths. Downtime is a must.
Anyway, on that note… what sort of life do you aspire to? (And if it is a calm one, like me… what do you do to help get yourself in that state of mind?)