The Best Big Sweater + Thoughts About Sharing on Social Media.

ACNE STUDIOS Oversized wool turtleneck sweater
Sweater // Jeans // Bag // Earrings // Sunglasses

How was your weekend?

Mine was really nice. I went up to Bedford to stay at my friend’s house on Saturday and am newly obsessed. It is the prettiest little town. We made a big fire, had a delicious dinner, played with her daughter, walked in the woods… so nice. Despite being only an hour train ride from Grand Central, it felt like I was so far away from the city. I warned them that I will be back… SOON. It was one of those weekends where I just felt really happy and content. I got back late yesterday afternoon, recorded an episode of the podcast with Becca, did a bunch of work, and tucked myself into bed at 10. The greatest.

Whenever I wear this Acne oversized sweater I get so many questions about it. It’s the COZIEST. I bought it when I was in Sweden (where Acne is about 30% cheaper) but it was definitely still a splurge. So if you’re looking for a similar but affordable option, I also really love this one and this one! Love being cozy in the biggest sweaters possible this time of year.

The thing that is on my mind today is something that keeps coming up in conversation with my friends – both with bloggers/influencers and friends who don’t really even use Instagram, etc. Everyone has an opinion, and it’s pretty varied.

When it comes to sharing on social media, what is too much? Is there a line?

Outfit Details: Acne Oversized Sweater (look for less here + here) // Good American Jeans // Vintage Chanel Bag // Rachel Comey Earrings (sold out in clear, but love them in pink) // Celine Sunglasses // Sarah Flint Slingbacks

Outfit Details: Acne Oversized Sweater / Rachel Comey Earrings // Celine Sunglasses

It’s definitely different for everyone, and I think something that anyone with a social media presence really struggles with. I have friends with boyfriends or husbands who don’t want to be on their social media. Sometimes it causes a rift in the relationship or becomes a point of contention. I get it. I get the blogger POV (It’s probably annoying to have to filter out something that’s a huge part of your life) but I also get the other side of it – some people are really private and/or have jobs where being on a (very public) social media platform could be a detriment to their career.

Frankly, I have friends who share absolutely everything and friends that share nothing. Also, I have a family member who is pregnant and doesn’t plan to ever post her baby to social media because she doesn’t want to financially gain from the baby/show the baby since it can’t consent. Actually, I really respect that (though I’m not going to lie, I will probably really want to post the baby). And it will probably be hard for her, but I think it’s really admirable.

Personally, I drew a line in the sand a while back in that I don’t talk about dating here. I’m happy to give dating advice or give nameless and vague examples of things that happened years ago, but I would never want a guy I meet to feel like he was going to become potential fodder for the blog. This happened to me once (like, 3 years ago) and shit got really weird. He basically got drunk and yelled at me for something I hadn’t done but could potentially do (WTF!?). Needless to say, that conversation revealed him to be potentially unstable and we did not continue dating.

But still. Some things are sacred and now I like to keep that part of my life separate from the blog. I also think about how I would feel if the situation were reversed. What if I had a more traditional job and my significant other were a blogger and wanted to post me to their social media or talk about me on their blog? That would feel weird.

Outfit Details: Acne Oversized Sweater // Good American Jeans // Vintage Chanel Bag // Rachel Comey Earrings // Celine Sunglasses // Sarah Flint Slingbacks

It’s easier for me as my life is basically just me… and my close friends don’t care if I put them on stories or in the occasional Instagram post. I also have a separate private account that is just my friends and family.

I think a lot though about what I would do if I were in a different situation. If I got married, would I want to put my wedding on Instagram? Or monetize it?

Probably not, but if I get married I am pretty sure I would want to elope and then just have a big fun wild (phone-free) party after. I actually (yes I know I post myself to the Internet everyday, #doublestandard) really dislike being the center of attention and also just can’t imagine spending a ton of money on a wedding dress/party that is only one day so I’d probably be that annoying person you didn’t even know was engaged and then suddenly just turned posted something from City Hall. LOLZ I AM SO MYSTERIOUS GUYS. (JK.)

Outfit Details: Acne Oversized Sweater // Good American Jeans // Vintage Chanel Bag // Rachel Comey Earrings // Celine Sunglasses // Sarah Flint Slingbacks

Same goes for kids. If a blogger is pregnant and posts their daily outfits like I do, it’s going to show eventually, so like, you have to talk about it at some point?

Ugh I don’t know. I’m rambling (and certainly not judging anyone for their decisions on what to share/what not). We talked about this on the podcast but I do think it will be really interesting to see what happens in 20 years or so when these babies grow up. Will they be mad at their parents for sharing? Psyched? (A few of my friends who do share their kids on social media have college funds set up from sponsored posts that were about the baby. That’s really cool!)

It’s just something to think about. What do you guys think?

Outfit Details: Acne Oversized Sweater // Good American Jeans // Vintage Chanel Bag // Celine Sunglasses  Outfit Details: Vintage Chanel Bag Outfit Details:  Sarah Flint Slingbacks

Photography by Carter Fish.

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Comments

  1. I can see why so many people have been eyeing up your sweater! It’s so cosy and homely! 🙂

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

  2. Rachelle says 10.22.18

    Love this classic look and that bag is such a classic. I feel you on the social media and I recently deleted all social media app from my phone. It’s been amazing, I know this may not be an option for people who blogs for a living but I think knowing where to draw the line is a must. I know you’re an avid reader and would love to recommend this book to you.
    https://www.amazon.com/Arguments-Deleting-Social-Media-Accounts/dp/125019668X

    xo
    Pinksole

  3. Sharon says 10.22.18

    I am very careful about what I post on social media…. my kids are old enough now ( 13 and 10) that I always ask if I can post the pic to instagram…. the 10 year old (boy) does not care 99% of the time, the 13 year old ( girl) almost always says no and I respect that. I have stopped following many bloggers that clearly use their children for $$$ Yes, your kids are cute and yes I understand that they are a huge part of your life, but in some/many cases, it feels wrong that you are using them to make a quick buck off of every baby/toddler product imaginable and I can just imagine the conversations that are going to take place in a few years. I know that it is hard to imagine that your 2 year old will be a teen at some point but it will happen before you now it and she may no want her whole life to be on display for all her classmates to see. They will find that ‘cute’ hashtag you have for her… I seriously wonder if these blogger kids are going to be the new ‘young hollywood’ kids ….

  4. A Girl, A Style says 10.22.18

    Firstly, the sweater looks SO snuggly and cosy and I’m now feeling a distinct lack of chunky oversized sweaters in my wardrobe (mine are all more fitted cashmere styles which don’t look as great with jeans) so going to need to hunt one down pronto.

    Secondly, I completely agree with everything you say here. When I first started blogging, because of the nature of my job it was not appropriate for me to really be sharing what I did or even having such a presence on the internet (one a journalist couldn’t get hold of me when I was in a meeting so looked me up and emailed my blog email which was SO awkward and made me really question the double life of politics/blogging I had) so I started from a place of not really sharing anything personal and had to gradually learn to open up and share a little more (because people wanted it). I will sometimes talk about my husband, family, and personal issues – but never post pictures of them to the blog (luckily many of my best friends are bloggers which makes that easier!). And although people knew I was getting married, it just felt really wrong to me to monetise that or share more than a little (and we would have happily eloped in a second if my in-laws weren’t insistent on a wedding!).

    Personally I think it’s nice when bloggers share more day-to-day lifestyle content and glimpses into their life, but I do think it can feel a bit too much to over-share children (who aren’t able to give permission), significant others (unless they’re fine with it of course) or anything you wouldn’t want your parents or a boss / potential employer to read (that was always my rule).

    But I think you nail the balance perfectly! I love everything you share and have never once cringed and thought to myself “ooh, that’s too much!”. But I definitely expect to be told if you’re getting married or having a baby, haha!

    Briony xox

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      I totally agree with you. And I think your wedding was perfectly done (and am glad that you didn’t elope, so that I could be there!!!)

      And it’s funny, when I started out, I was the same as you – had a very serious job working at Coty and no one really knew much about social media so I didn’t tell anyone about my blog/secret internet life. Flash forward a few years later, I got the job at BaubleBar and quit and had to tell everyone about the blog. And that’s when my blog really started to take off because I could share more about me and put photos of myself up (before that I would chop my head off, LOL).

      Oh, blogging!

      I also really like when bloggers share more day to day. I just also wonder what is too much!!!

      • A Girl, A Style says 10.27.18

        Oh, the good old days of chopping our heads off in photos (I also used to over-filter mine so they were so abstract you couldn’t tell it was me, cringe!).

        B xox

  5. Noemi says 10.22.18

    I appreciate bloggers/influencers that don’t share too much of their private life on socials. Life is life, life on socials is something different.
    Even if I follow people who constantly expose their toddlers on socials, I find it creepy and unhealthy and I wonder how they could do this.

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      I think it’s really different for everyone.

      And I really love SEEING my friend’s/influencers’ kids on social so it’s hard because I like that sort of content but also just wonder what will happen in 20 years or so!

  6. Dana says 10.22.18

    1. Love this look, Grace
    2. You bring up some really interesting points. For me, I typically don’t overshare. I do think I’m an “open book”, but I just don’t feel the need to share every. single. thing I’m doing. My boyfriend doesn’t love nor hate to be on social media, but I do like to respect his privacy and not overshare our life. I think it’s awesome that some of your friends have college funds set up for their kids thanks to sponsored content…that’s really amazing!

    PS: I also am SO DOWN for a City Hall elopement and huge party after;)

    The Champagne Edit

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      Aw thank you Dana!

      I like to think the same. If someone asks me something I’m generally an open book. But I keep a lot of things private/off my blog and social media!!!

      ANd yessss so glad you’re with me on that! xoxo

  7. ZOe says 10.22.18

    For me, social media isn’t the most necessarily healthy thing. I created a facebook account in 2007 and finally deactivated in 10 years later in 2017 and I can’t tell you how much good that has done for my life! I still have my Instagram account but I feel way less need to share every single thing I do and now I am much more about living in the moment and enjoying that rather than taking pictures/documenting events for social media. It will be really interesting to see how things shift within the next 20 years. I wouldn’t be surprised if society takes a total 180 and ditches social media altogether eventually. Despite movies and books that claim we’ll be connected to social media 24/7 in the future, I feel like the people I see doing most of this now are in the older generation, ironically. Kids don’t even use facebook anymore! It’ll be interesting to see where it goes.

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      I think it’s so great that you’ve realized what’s healthy for you and what’s not.

      I have to be on social media for my job but I have done little things like deleting the Facebook app off of my phone… and sometimes on the weekends I will delete Instagram and then put it back on my phone on Monday.

      It’s definitely going to be interesting to see where it all goes!

  8. Kellie says 10.22.18

    I used to have a blog & while it was not big it was monetized a little. I struggled when I had my first child of how much & what to share. Ultimately I decided it was not worth it but know it would have been a harder decision had my job been blogging.

    I think it’s tricky when the kids are so young that they cannot consent- will they really want their entire childhood documented for the world to see? When I read lifestyle or mom blogs this is especially hard since so much of the child’s life is shared, but it’s also going to be hard to have a mom blog without talking or showing your children!

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      Yes exactly!!! I think it’s definitely harder when your job is blogging.

      I see both sides of it. If it’s such a big part of your life, how do you just not talk about it…!

  9. Diana says 10.22.18

    I think the topic of kids on social media is fascinating. If a child is in a sponsored post, it’s basically the same thing as a kid starring in a commercial. Former child stars have sued their parents to get that money if their parents hadn’t saved it for them, so if you look at that as an example, I really think the college fund/account for your kid route is the way to go. To me there’s very much a line—I see sharing occasional photos, but when your entire business is all about your child, there’s something about that that feels icky to me. I think it’ll be interesting to see what even happens with some of these kids in 10 years time. My high school self would have rather died than had photos of me with my family splashed all over the internet, and I think most kids would feel the same. I honestly do think we will see some sort of lawsuit from a kid who felt they were shared unfairly or without consent at some point, and that will really set precedent.

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      These are all such good points!!!!

      I know – I HATED having my pic taken as a kid. I mean I still kind of hate it but it’s my job now so…. 😉

    • Wendy Sue says 10.23.18

      Those are great points Diana. It seems like a slippery slope to post pics of your children and essentially make money off them and children’s products,when they are too young to understand and consent. I’m not a kid person, so I scroll right past blog posts and social media about blogger’s kids. Of course every parent thinks their kid is the cutest ever, but strangers don’t need to see 15 pics of your kid.
      Social media is tricky enough without being able to be googled by one’s peers and finding yourself splashed all over mom’s blog and social media. A private family and friends social media acct might be the better way to go.

  10. Sam says 10.22.18

    Such a cozy sweater! A really interesting topic too. It’s tough because so many influencers are very open and “on” all the time. My husband isn’t into social media at all and although he supports me very much, doesn’t love being in front of the camera. So, while I talk about him in posts, I don’t show him much. I think we all just have to find the right balance, and realize that it’s okay to keep some things to ourselves.

    xx
    Sam

  11. allie says 10.22.18

    I love this topic. I think its totally person by person but I always waffle back and forth over wanting to share everything about anything and then not sharing at all and wishing my phone didn’t exist haha. But wanting to create a platform comes with allowing more people in so finding that line is definitely challenging. I think you do such a good job though and I never feel like you’re this secretive aloof person but it’s also realistic that you keep parts of yourself only available to friends and family in real life. Keep doing you!

    Allie
    modbroadco.com

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      Hahahha yes SAME!!!

      You just described exactly what I try to do here, so thank you. I really do aim to share and be accessible and real with you guys, but I also keep a lot off the blog too.
      Thanks Allie 🙂

  12. Audrey says 10.22.18

    I think about this pretty much every single day, ha! It’s weird to me that I recognize some bloggers in Chicago by their children (seriously, I see the kids first and know who they are, then I look up and see the parents!). I find it bizarre that I know so much about these kids but don’t know the families at all. Also… isn’t it a little dangerous? What’s to stop someone on the playground saying “hey, xx, I know your mommy her name is blahblah! Come with me!” Maybe I’m just paranoid. Also because the kids can’t consent, I do think we’ll see an interesting situation in about 15 years when the first wave of influencer’s kids are old enough to realize that there’s a whole online world who knows everything about them. It’s a little Truman show-y for me 🙂

    THAT all being said, I recognize that moms on Instagram get a LOT of great advice from each other and can lean on each other for advice and encouragement. And I think it’s great when people use the money from affiliate links and whatnot to save for their kid’s college. So I guess to each their own, but I would never do that with my future kids!

    Thanks for opening up the conversation, Grace! I don’t think people talk about this enough.

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      I would worry about safety too!!! Really scary!

      And totally agree with you – I feel like there is such an amazing community around mom blogs etc. And to have it pay for college? Amazing.

      But I don’t know – I don’t think there really is a right or wrong thing to do; I think it’s very personal!

  13. Victoria says 10.22.18

    I love this topic! One thing I’ve realized over the years is that our lives are so multi-faceted, there are actually a lot of ways you can “open up” and share more of your life while keeping huge parts of it offline. For me, the rule has always been when the topic or stories at hand are just about me, I usually don’t mind sharing. For example, I’m an open book when it comes to talking about my adoption stuff online. On the flip side, J has never really wanted to be part of my “digital presence” or whatever, so he’s only ever referred to in passing. I also don’t really talk about my family a lot—and when I’ve wanted to mention something more personal that pertains to them, I’ve asked permission first.

    I actually think you do an amazing job of sharing real parts of your life, Grace, just by virtue of writing posts like this that share your thoughts and opinions! It has a ton of substance, and I think it provides a great (floor to ceiling!) window into who you are, what you’re thinking about, and what’s important to you!

    As for the kids thing, oy. I guess it’s like anything else with parenting, where every family, child, and situation is different. If/when the time comes, I’m hesitant to share any images or stories about my kid, primarily because from what I have observed, people come out of the woodwork to comment on other people’s parenting and I have zero interest in inviting that dynamic into my life. I also think sharing pregnancy/the early motherhood journey invites people to place all types of expectations and their own projections on you. If I had to pick a social media motherhood announcement route, I think my dream is to one day be like “I had a baby” and no one even knew I was pregnant, haha!

    Great post, friend.

    • grace at the stripe says 10.22.18

      You are so right.

      If it’s about me and only me, I’m an open book. The second other people come into play, it gets weirder.

      And agree with the kids thing. People have so many opinions, I think it would be impossible to avoid judgment even if you’re perfect!!! Even yesterday, I posted a cute reference to Daphne telling someone “I know!” when someone told her she was pretty… I got several DM’s telling me I should be encouraging her to say that she’s smart too. I get it, but it was just meant as a cute story. I can’t even imagine having my own kids and sharing them here. Oy.

  14. Natmari's Corner says 10.22.18

    Such a cozy sweater! I used to have a blog (I mean I still do, but I haven’t blogged in ages.) I a such a private person and sometimes social media can be too much. I really enjoy reading your blog. 🙂

  15. Samantha David says 10.22.18

    Grace, you bring up so many good points here. I always feel so weird posting about friends and family because I know some of them will be too nice not to tell me to post. I just avoid it completely and if I really want to include them on something, I’ll ask for their permission. Thanks for sharing!!

    http://www.stylebysamantha.com

  16. Allyson says 10.22.18

    I don’t blog for a living or anything, but I feel pretty strongly about allowing people the opportunity to say “no” to having their photo posted. I typically ask my boyfriend or friends before I share photos with them in it, even though my social media/blog is just for fun. I’m not sure what I would do if I had kids, but I feel like I’d try to go the route of giving them their privacy as well (especially with all the creeps who trawl Instagram for photos of kids…)

    I know some people who share posts about their children, but they always share photos where their kids faces are hidden or obscured, and I feel like that’s the most respectful way to do that. In this day and age it will be almost impossible to control the use of their photos entirely but I feel like they are setting a precedent where they are demonstrating respect for their kids’ agency. I think once kids reach 8-10 years old and can start to understand the concepts of social media, photos of them should not be posted without their permission.

  17. Merritt Beck says 10.22.18

    Loving that sweater it looks so comfy and cozy!

    xx, Merritt
    The Style Scribe

  18. Nora says 10.23.18

    What I don’t like about social media is that parents often decide to post personal and intimate details about their children’s lives. I think it’s such an invasion of privacy and exploitative to an extent. What day do these children have? Parents have made up their minds without any regard to how their children might feel about this in the future.

  19. Jess Kirby says 10.24.18

    You make so many great points Grace. It’s interesting, it’s not something I actually think about that much, which seems odd as I am actually quite a private person. I think I just tend to go with my gut and, as Victoria mentioned, tend to share things that directly relate to me (and my pets, they didn’t give me explicit consent but I am pretty sure they love the attention). Craig doesn’t want to be filmed 24/7 or be in my photos, etc. and I respect that. When it works for both of us, he might make an appearance, but if he’s not feeling it, that’s ok too. Sometimes I actually find comfort from sharing things that may be kind of personal, but end up connecting me with people who are dealing with the same stuff, social media has a way of bringing us together in that way. Social media can also be ugly and the more we post and share, the more we expose ourselves to the nasty side of it.

    I can’t imagine having children and being criticized for how I was raising my kid. It’s hard enough being a Mom. I don’t have a desire to have kids, but if I changed my mind, I don’t know, I’d probably be a bit more protective and private with that aspect. I’m not married, and don’t plan on it, but I think there is sometimes an oversharing of that stuff, the engagements, the proposals, the bachelorette parties, the gender reveals, the pregnancy announcements. It all feels a bit much, and to each their own, but sometimes a little mystery or a little surprise is nice. Maybe I’m just old fashioned. Or just old.

    At the end of the day, as I always say “you do you boo.”

    Thanks for creating a conversation around it Grace. xx

  20. Julia Dzafic says 10.24.18

    I love this post so much, Grace! As a mom who is also a blogger, the balance is really hard to find. My daughter is a huge part of my life and my blog is ABOUT my life, but I don’t want to overshare her. But I have also learned so much about motherhood, and sharing what I’ve learned in hopes that it helps another mom out there gives me so much joy!

    I’m still finding a balance but as she gets older, I hope we can have open conversations about what she’s comfortable and not comfortable with. You gave me a lot to think about though!