I’ve been unsure whether I was going to write this post. Alas, I ultimately decided that I am more of the straightforward type of blogger than the mysterious sort (gosh, I wish I could be more mysterious… but let’s be real: I’m just not a mysterious person when it comes down to it.)
Let’s back up a bit.
Do you ever feel like life is just moving way too fast? Like the days, weeks, months are just passing and you’re in exactly the same place? I hope you don’t ever feel like like that, because that’s kind of where I’ve been for the past six months and it hasn’t been all that fun. On this endless treadmill of working until I’d fall asleep, and then getting up as early as I could to work some more. Working, sleeping, working some more… and so on and so forth. Meanwhile, watching my friends have these major events occur in their lives and feeling like (besides work) I was in exactly the same place. I never set out to be that person who lived to work but that is exactly what I had become.
Backing up even further… I grew up with parents who drilled it into my head that I could have everything I wanted, be anything I wanted to be… as long as I was willing to work for it. They run their own business and accomplished some incredible things – but work really, really hard. So working hard was always in my blood… but I was also always a pretty fun person. Somewhere along the way things went awry and the balance shifted. I found myself rather spectacularly burnt out.
I was so tired that I was always sick. I relaunched this site, threw my launch party, and got sick for ten days. I’d go into the office, go home and write my blog post for the next day, and go straight to bed. And then I’d wake up and find ten typos in my blog post or a huge error in an email that I’d sent to my boss at midnight. Cringe. Real talk: the absolute worst thing when you are working that hard is to realize that you aren’t even doing that good of a job because you are so spread thin.
I knew that things needed to change but I wasn’t sure exactly what to do. I loved my job and I loved my blog but together, they were making me completely miserable. But here’s the thing that I tell everyone (but hadn’t really been listening to?) You are the only one who can control your happiness. Plain and simple. I say this based on general life experience, career experience, and relationship experience. You simply cannot look to anyone besides yourself to make your situation better. It has to come from within. If you get one thing out of this post, please take that with you. No one can make you happy (truly happy, not superficially happy) besides yourself. Your boyfriend isn’t going to make you happy if you aren’t already happy on your own, your boss isn’t going to see that you’re tired and offer you a vacation. It has to come from you and only you.
So, after another weekend of being too tired to do much of anything, I approached my co-founder at work on Monday morning. I had stayed home during the Superbowl to practice my “speech,” but when I sat down with her, I forgot everything that I was supposed to say and just babbled on like an idiot. The end result of the conversation (which I honestly don’t even remember because I was so scared to even have the conversation) was that she wanted to help us find a happy medium where I could stay on at BaubleBar but have more time to focus on my personal projects. It was a solution I hadn’t even thought possible.
And so effective this past week, I work at BaubleBar two days a week running our influencer program, which is/was far and away, my favorite part of the job. The other three days, I work at home, running my blog and working on some consulting projects. And it’s great. I honestly don’t remember the last time I felt so happy. I feel so incredibly fortunate to be able to do this. It’s the best of both worlds. I think some people thrive in a really structured environment, and others do well in a more flexible environment. I definitely am happier (and more productive) in a more flexible situation. I love that I can stay up til 2am working if I want… and sleep in the next day if it’s a work from home day. Granted, there are trade-offs… I gave up health insurance and a pretty good salary.. but it’s been 100% worth it in my opinion.
The result of the change can only be described as pure, unbridled joy. I am pretty sure that I’m actually a brand new human. I don’t remember the last time I felt so happy. Not happy because of a thing, a job, or someone else… just happy from within. I am so much more present in my relationships… and just so much more fulfilled personally. And this is all in the matter of a week and a half. I can go out for an impromptu cocktail after work if I want, or go out on a date without worrying about being home in time to write my blog post, and so on and so forth. It’s… balance, which is something I haven’t had in a really long time.
The hardest part was one I hadn’t anticipated… feeling a bit left out at work. It’s hard taking a step back from something you’ve worked so hard to build. (I was one of the first five members of BaubleBar, and as head of social media was a part of our executive team… I knew everything that was going on in the company and got to impact change across so many areas of the business.) It’s hard stepping back and not feeling as “needed” as I was before. And I know, this sounds crazy because I got exactly what I wanted. So yes, I will shut up now.
The reason that I’m telling you all of this (besides just to be honest and keep things real around here) though is to hopefully inspire you to really think hard about your own life. Maybe I’ve taken a few too many soul cycle classes, but why not figure out a way to wake up happy every day? To love every day. What makes you tick… what sort of life makes you thrive? It’s completely different for everyone. Figure it out, make a plan to get there… and do it… sooner rather than later. Life is too short to be tired all the time or to be unhappy. You get one life. There are no do-overs. People aren’t going to remember you for being a hard worker or all those late nights you pulled… they are going to remember the silly times, the heart-to-hearts… the trips, the crazy dance parties at 2am. They’ll remember you for your passions, your dreams, that stuff. I’m not saying to be irresponsible… but sit down and make a plan and write it down with goals and dates. Save up, and work towards your goals. Take calculated risks… and figure out how to get what you want.
That’s all for today. Like I said, this was hard to write. As bloggers, it’s our job to make our lives look beautiful on social media… nobody wants to admit that they were essentially falling apart behind the scenes. As far as things go around here, you’ll see a few changes to my content, but I promise you it will be a really good thing. I already run sponsored content most weeks and that will continue… but I’ll (as always!) only work with brands that fit here organically. It’s so important to me that every element of the site feel 100% authentic. But… this newfound free time means I’ll be able to get back to posting twice a day… and adding back all of those DIYs I loved so much. Lots of good stuff to come. 😉